Wednesday, February 20, 2008

On freezing to death

Last night, I finished reading Into thin air  by Jon Krakauer. My mind is still being blasted by the images of some of the climbers who died that fateful day on Mt Everest. What a lonely way to die for Rob Hall, who was in radio contact with his team mates (and his wife) until the end but knew that there was no possibility of rescue. It's going to give me nightmares...
To think that when this tragedy was unfolding, most of the world was oblivious to it - I was trying to make a life for myself in Toronto, going about my day without a care in the world. Meanwhile, these poor souls were drawing their last breath on top of the world...
The futility of it all...
How can a survivor of such a tragedy be able to go on with their life afterwards? What a traumatizing experience, a brutal reality check - a face-off with mortality. The memory of the horrendous ordeal as well as that of their fellow climbers must still haunt them, all these years later. And the friends and family of the victims......... So much sadness and anguish...
I am glad I read this book, so I can join them in the remembrance of the loved ones they lost, even though I did not know them myself.
I will, in my own way, honor their memory by never forgetting what happened on Mt Everest on May 10, 1996.


Sunday, February 10, 2008

Inherited lifestyle

The Queen of England. Elizabeth II.
What a charming, lovable grandmother she seems to be! Only I feel for her. I would not want to be in her expensive shoes.
What a life!
She spends her waking hours greeting strangers, smiling, shaking hands, listening to an array of individuals come to pay their respects, all the while punctuating the short conversation with the odd "oh yes, indeed?", "it is a rather interesting thing, isn't it?", and so on.
Aside from meeting about 100 people in one hour, she also does a lot of paper shuffling; things she needs to review, others she has to sign...
Poor woman. 
For someone like me, it is an unthinkable situation to be in - I think that in all of her reign so far, she's had 2 million people come to see her at her palace! And that's not counting all the individuals she's met outside of Buckingham.
Well, let us hope she likes it. She doesn't seem to mind it. In which case, she is a great queen. But then again, if she dislikes it yet manages to live this kind of life without showing her unhappiness, then she is an even greater queen, and je lui tire mon chapeau. 

A beginning

Well, here I am.

This is new to me so, please, be indulgent. 
I am not sure yet what I will be writing about on this black page, but I so often talk to myself that I thought this might indeed help me keep my sanity.
I should provide a little background, so that you (I might still be talking to myself as it's quite improbable that anyone will ever bother to read this!), so that you can have something of a mental image and concept of who I am.
Thirty-six years ago next month, I was born in the north of France, of a French mother and Italian father. A sister had preceded me by 5 years. When I turned 8, we all packed up and left to move to beautiful "Côte d'azur" - French Riviera for the hardcore anglophones. That is where I grew up: in the Var region, in Provence. At age 18 I moved out of the family home to go study psychology in Nice. Three years later, I moved again, to a town near Paris. I stayed there until 1995.
That same year, in the dead of winter - in December - I moved to Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I lived there for 8 years, then bought a house in the country by lake Huron, where I have been with my husband ever since.
I stopped eating meat when I was 20-years old; I played classical piano for 11 years, did ballet for 8, dabbled in oils and watercolors, and was a girl guide for most of my teenage years. 
If given the choice, I would rather live surrounded by non-human companions and I have always been very envious of Snowhite's lifestyle - except for the part with the apple, bien évidemment. I have no hope - nor do I really care - for humanity; as Yves Paccalet said so perfectly well: L'humanité disparaîtra, bon débarras! 
Everything comes to an end, we shall be no exception (and nor should we be).
I have worked in a greenhouse trimming rose stems, as a "maid" in a hotel, as a sales clerk, a cashier in a seafood restaurant, a "third purser" on a cruise ship, a customer service associate, a technical support person for a software, a customer service evaluator, a waitress, a cook, a bookkeeper, a restaurant manager, a secretary, an assistant manager in retail; I have made soap, candles, lamps; I have been to yoga, kung-fu and tai chi classes; I have traveled throughout Europe, North Africa, North America and Polynesia. 
Et j'en passe...
From a tender age, I have been tagged as being mature and serious; I always had excellent grades in school (but hated studying) and few friends. I favored the company of boys more than girls - their obsession with shopping and frivolous things never held any attraction for me. Some people have called me an "old soul" and I read in a book on astrology that this was to be my last life. I am somewhat of a hermit, I love solitude, peace and quiet, barren landscapes, mountains and great bodies of water.
I love classical music (especially Rachmaninov), trip-hop and ambient. 
I am a smoker - not proud of it.
The only time you will find me glued to the TV is when the sports channel is broadcasting a tennis tournament: I LOVE tennis and it is the only sport I watch.
I like playing computer games, namely the simulation kind.
Aside from the odd aspirin or anti-inflammatory, I stay away from drugs and heal myself through fresh foods and herbs. That being said, I have been blessed so far with excellent health: I never catch as much as a common cold (Knock on wood!).
I love reading because it takes me places and triggers emotions in me I couldn't dream of experiencing in "real" life.
I love plants and gardening but I have little patience and lose interest quite rapidly.
I feel very much in harmony with nature - the mother of all things and my first love.

So, there you have it: me, in a nutshell.
It is only fair to say that I am bilingual; you might therefore stumble occasionally on a French word, expression or sentence - or even an entire paragraph. I apologize in advance to those not versed in the language of what is probably the most "striking" country in the world (Get it? Striking, strikes...). Don't you worry, these intended puns will be few and far between as, and you probably guessed it, this word "game" is not my forte...
But let's move on.
I've always liked writing; for many years, when I was younger, I wrote in a journal - it always served as a wonderful relief valve for me. I often wish I had never quit this habit of putting my thoughts into words for the sole benefit of unloading my mind of its confusing clutter. So...
As I said, here I am...
 
I don't intend to use this blog as a ranting extravagance, although through it, I might vent my frustrations from time to time. Neither will I try to initiate debates or indulge in word fights of sorts, but readers' comments will always be welcome - always.

At this point in my life, I find myself in some kind of an impasse. I am jobless, career-less, and soon-to-be penniless if the situation does not improve.
You see, I have never had the luck to know what my "calling" was, my vocation; I have never had a "passion" for something - a passion that could give me some sort of direction. I have always blindly followed the currents of life and gone wherever they were taking me. The more I reflect on it, the less I know what I want to do with my life, except do nothing but make bread and go for walks with my dog. Simple, essential pleasures, that do put bread on the table, granted - but do not pay the bills...
Last night I came to the tentative conclusion that the perfect occupation for me would be that of a writer. Sadly, I have no imagination and no literary training to speak of. But I still decided to toy with the idea and de m'essayer au maniement de la plume (virtuelle ici). And what better medium than today's modern bouteille à la mer: a blog!

I have always been quite fascinated by languages. Especially German and Latin, two languages riveting in their complexity, always challenging the novice to solve the puzzle they represent. Much fun.
And along those lines, I forgot to mention that I worked briefly as a translator (French and English only). I have to admit that most of the documents I found myself working on were tedious and boring, to say the least (not to mention that they were always needed YESTERDAY but that payment would never come before the next moon was up, if at all). I did find happiness, though, when I lost myself in the rumble of verses and rhymes. "Translating" poetry (as well as lyrics) was the highlight of my brief career as a professional translator. Most people will tell you it's impossible - well, I beg to differ: I did it - very well - on numerous occasions... but unfortunately, not numerous enough... there was indeed much fun, but no money, in it. Another page sadly turned...

I will leave it at that for the moment but will be back - promise.